Why do we want to change people and why do people want to change us?

Change is the spice of life...so said someone! And what correctly! Obviously life would be pretty dull and boring if we ended up with the same routine everyday. So we try to do different things to keep life moving and interesting. In the process we grow and build our abilities to handle various challenges. So, change in this sense is very good. It is welcome because we are treading the untrodden path and taking meaningful risks which only adds to the value of life. But this is not the only kind of change that we undergo in our lifetime. There is the change that others inflict upon us and not we ourselves. This change can be both positive and negative. But does that mean that we adopt every change in life that others demand from us? I strongly feel no.

Right from the time we grow up, we are forced to become what we many not actaually be. For example a little kid who may be interested in sports more than studies may be forced to change his interests and devote more efforts to studying. In the process, his interests and likes may be changed. Someone, who is good at poetry, art is not allowed to pursue it as a career because it does not seemingly pay well. So, from an early age we are subject to change. Change because you have to live in the society and you must not deviate from the set norms that have been laid out. This is not just about your career prefences but about the many minute things in life. Many a times, we accept the change inflicted upon us because we do not wish to enter in arguments with others, because we want to lead a peaceful life, because we want acceptance from the society and because we want to be seen as compliant. But this is not desirable.

Of course I am not saying that you should be rigid in life and always stick to your point of view. There is a need to be flexible and acceptable of change but that change shouldn't be one which takes you away from what you really are. These are the things which matter the most in relationships where one person or even both may try to completely change the other. This can result in loss of identity and confidence in one of the partners, one who may have to bear the brunt of the change. The key to a good and healthy relationship with any person in your life is a little bit of acceptance of what he/she is. It is not that only people around us try to change us, we are guilty of the same. Even we are struggling to change our parents, our boss, our friends, our partner.

Why not make life easier by changing yourself from your own perspective and that too positively. After all, we need to be the change that we wish to see in the world...said Gandhiji!


  1. Change is mandatory, change is natural...but to extent/ limit of change is to be determined well. They say in sanskri "Ati sada varjayate" means over dossier is harful. so we should be in complete control opting for a change!!!

    Well acceptable thoughts Nidhi !!!


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